When one guy sees an invisible man he's a nut case; ten people see him it's a cult; ten million people see him it's a respected religion.

Seventy-five percent of all Americans believe that angels are real. Which is amazing when you consider that forty percent of all Americans think DNA evidence is unreliable.

If carrots are good for my eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?

America: Twenty million illegal aliens can't be wrong!

I'm catholic in the same way, that if a cow was born in a tree, it's a bird!

The only difference between the women I've dated and Charles Manson is that Manson has the decency to look like a nut case when you first meet him.

If you ever thought you were ugly, Los Angeles is the place to come and find out you were right.