When one guy sees an invisible man he's a nut case; ten people see him it's a cult; ten million people see him it's a respected religion.

Today, I bought a pastrami sandwich: $13.75. Walked back out in the street - genuine Rolex watch: six bucks.

I'm catholic in the same way, that if a cow was born in a tree, it's a bird!

Ridiculous that some people feel superior to the gay minority. They're the only couples you'll ever find poking around for ceramics and candle holders in the winery gift shop and both parties really want to be there.

Lobsters one of the only animals that have to put up with being alive in the restaurant. If you go to a steakhouse, folks - no cow tank.

There is no romance without some lying. That's what romance is - a little bit of Vaseline on the camera lens of life.

The only difference between the women I've dated and Charles Manson is that Manson has the decency to look like a nut case when you first meet him.