If you ever thought you were ugly, Los Angeles is the place to come and find out you were right.

Brooklyn is the only place where a guy can open up a candy store sell no candy and gross over eight million dollars a year.

If you have a choice of selling shoes to ladies or giving birth to a flaming porcupine... look into that second, less painful career.

Lobsters one of the only animals that have to put up with being alive in the restaurant. If you go to a steakhouse, folks - no cow tank.

Michael Jackson is what happens when you keep fixin' it until it's broke!

Why do women care about how big their feet are? I never saw a guy at the beach going, 'Wow, look at that woman, she is really... oh, darn! The feet are too big.'

Seventy-five percent of all Americans believe that angels are real. Which is amazing when you consider that forty percent of all Americans think DNA evidence is unreliable.