If you ever thought you were ugly, Los Angeles is the place to come and find out you were right.

That's why you have to like a guy like Charles Manson. Say what you will about Manson - he's one of the only people with the decency to look like a dangerous maniac the first time you meet him.

Ridiculous that some people feel superior to the gay minority. They're the only couples you'll ever find poking around for ceramics and candle holders in the winery gift shop and both parties really want to be there.

We would need less gun control if we had better birth control.

Religious war at its simplest is killing each other over who has the best imaginary friend.

The Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you've got millions of pals out there. Type in 'Find people that have sex with goats that are on fire'and the computer will say, 'Specify type of goat.'

In any relationship there are certain doors that should never be opened. The bathroom door, for example.