I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo, and I'm thinking, okay, here's a gal who's capable of making a decision she'll regret in the future.

Seventy-five percent of all Americans believe that angels are real. Which is amazing when you consider that forty percent of all Americans think DNA evidence is unreliable.

If you're going to war over religion, now you're just getting into a fight over who has the better imaginary friend.

Brooklyn is the only place where a guy can open up a candy store sell no candy and gross over eight million dollars a year.

The only difference between the women I've dated and Charles Manson is that Manson has the decency to look like a nut case when you first meet him.

In life your dreams may not come true, but sooner or later one of your nightmares will.

Easiest job you could ever have... whoever gets to put Michael Jackson in a witness chair and create reasonable doubt.