Religious war at its simplest is killing each other over who has the best imaginary friend.

The way I see life, it's like we're all flying on the Hindenburg, why fight over the window seats?

You know what the average person is? Average.

Nobody is really qualified to be the president. Basically it's an acting job. You have to act like you're the president. And every four years the country holds a big casting call.

There is an obesity epidemic. One out of every three Americans... weighs as much as the other two.

I'm catholic in the same way, that if a cow was born in a tree, it's a bird!

Brooklyn is the only place where a guy can open up a candy store sell no candy and gross over eight million dollars a year.