If you have a choice of selling shoes to ladies or giving birth to a flaming porcupine... look into that second, less painful career.

In life your dreams may not come true, but sooner or later one of your nightmares will.

I was brought up Catholic. My mom brought us to mass every Sunday - short for 'massive head trauma' that you get from your mother punching you in your little nine-year-old head every minute because you can't sit still for anything that's boring.

Spiritual is the word people use when they mean they want to be covered whey they die but they're not getting up early on a Sunday.

Married or Single? There is no good choice. It's like when your doctor says, 'Ointment?' or 'Suppositories'?

If you ever thought you were ugly, Los Angeles is the place to come and find out you were right.

If you have a choice of selling shoes to ladies or giving birth to a flaming porcupine... look into that second, less painful career.