Fifty per cent of all marriages end in divorce. But look at the bright side: the other 50 per cent end in death.

Success is like toilet paper, it only seems important when you don't have it.

We would need less gun control if we had better birth control.

If carrots are good for my eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?

Married or Single? There is no good choice. It's like when your doctor says, 'Ointment?' or 'Suppositories'?

Success is made up of courage, brains, and luck. Since the first two are a function of the third, it's pretty much all luck.

Choosing to have a child you can't take care of is like farting in an elevator. Sure you got it out, but not it's everyone else's problem.