I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.

I'll never understand why people go to movie theaters to have conversations. Going to the movies to talk is like going to a restaurant to cook. The idea is that you have paid your money to have someone do something better than you can do it yourself.

I just don't get cats. To me, they're a waste of fur.

Going out to eat is expensive. I was out at one restaurant and they didn't have prices on the menu. Just faces with different expressions of horror.

Good weather all the week, but come the weekend the weather stinks. When the weather is too hot they complain, too cold they complain, and when it's just right, they're watching TV.

Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.

To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'