I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.

The older theory was, marry an older man because they're more mature. But the new theory is men don't mature. Marry a younger one.

Men don't live well by themselves. They don't even live like people. They live like bears with furniture.

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.

I hate learning through experience. Just once I'd like to learn something because someone was nice enough to tell me in advance.

Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.

Never play peek-a-boo with a child on a long plane trip. There's no end to the game. Finally I grabbed him by the bib and said, "Look, it's always gonna be me!"