If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.

Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.

I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

Men will now get up and walk with the baby in the middle of the night, change its diapers, and give it a bottle, but in their heart of hearts they still think they shouldn't have to.

I have a hold limit that I've set for myself. I hold until I start to imagine myself killing the person on the other end. Then I hang up and regroup.

Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.