I'll never understand why people go to movie theaters to have conversations. Going to the movies to talk is like going to a restaurant to cook. The idea is that you have paid your money to have someone do something better than you can do it yourself.

Wives are people who think it's against the law not to answer the phone when it rings.

Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.

When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.

I jogged for three miles once. It was the worst three hours of my life.

Impulse buying is not macho. Men rarely call the Home Shopping Network.

Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it. If you feel the need to marry a doctor, I suggest a dermatologist. Good hours, free Retin-A.