I'll never understand why people go to movie theaters to have conversations. Going to the movies to talk is like going to a restaurant to cook. The idea is that you have paid your money to have someone do something better than you can do it yourself.

I was going with someone for a few years, but we broke up. It was one of those things. He wanted to get married, and I didn't want him to.

I'm going to start water skiing someday...as soon as I can separate it from being dragged by a boat.

Women are more accommodating. If a woman drinks the last glass of apple juice in the refrigerator, she'll make more apple juice. If a man drinks the last glass of apple juice, he'll just put back the empty container.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

I just don't get cats. To me, they're a waste of fur.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen