Husband: a man who buys his football tickets four months in advance and waits until the day before his anniversary to buy his wife a gift.

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?

It takes six months to get into shape and two weeks to get out of shape. Once you know this you can stop being angry about other things in life and only be angry about this.

When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

When I want to end a relationship I just say, 'You know, I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have your children.' Sometimes they leave skid marks.