Husband: a man who buys his football tickets four months in advance and waits until the day before his anniversary to buy his wife a gift.

I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups.

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

Not one man in a beer commercial has a beerbelly.

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.

Men who can eat anything they want and not gain weight should do it out of sight of the women they're married to.

I have a hold limit that I've set for myself. I hold until I start to imagine myself killing the person on the other end. Then I hang up and regroup.