I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.

Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, "Are we going to have sex again?" He said, "Yes, but not with each other."

Most of the men sitting in first class on an airplane have really boring jobs.

Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.

Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.

If you're dating a man who you think might be "Mr. Right," if he a) got older, b) got a new job, or c) visited a psychiatrist, you are in for a nasty surprise. The cocoon-to-butterfly theory only works on cocoons and butterflies.