I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.

My cousin just got married for the totally wrong reasons. She married a man for money. She wasn't real subtle about it. Instead of calling him her fiancé, she kept calling him her financee.

Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, "Are we going to have sex again?" He said, "Yes, but not with each other."

I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.

If it's attention you want, don't get involved with a man during play-off season.

If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.

I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.