My mother was the worst cook ever. In school, when we traded lunches, I had to throw in an article of clothing.

When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.

Thirty, I really like you but I still have to see other people.

The older theory was, marry an older man because they're more mature. But the new theory is men don't mature. Marry a younger one.

Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, "Never take candy from strangers." And then they dressed me up and said, "Go beg for it." I didn't know what to do. I'd knock on people's doors and go, "Trick or treat."

Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code... he turned himself in.

I don't like when there's too much conversation because I'm shy and it makes me uncomfortable.