My mother was the worst cook ever. In school, when we traded lunches, I had to throw in an article of clothing.

Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.

All men look at Dr. Ruth and wonder how she has gained all that sexual experience.

Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replay in sports. They've already forgotten what's happened.

A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.

I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.

I'm a very simple person. I'm very shallow. Shallow, simple, easily pleased: that's me.