My Vegas act is how I make my money.

Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?

All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.

Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie THE WAY WE WERE twice, voluntarily.

Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen

A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won't get a bikini wax.