Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen

The closest I ever came to a menage-a-trois was when I dated a schizophrenic.

Going out to eat is expensive. I was out at one restaurant and they didn't have prices on the menu. Just faces with different expressions of horror.

I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.

No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.

My cousin just got married for the totally wrong reasons. She married a man for money. She wasn't real subtle about it. Instead of calling him her fiancé, she kept calling him her financee.