I'm a very simple person. I'm very shallow. Shallow, simple, easily pleased: that's me.

How can I have morning sickness when I don't get up till noon?

I loved my mother very much, but she was not a good cook. Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before. In our house Thanksgiving was a time for sorrow.

Men do cry, but only when assembling furniture.

Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.

I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn't notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I'm letting him keep it. I'm saving money!

I hate learning through experience. Just once I'd like to learn something because someone was nice enough to tell me in advance.