My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.

I adore being hitched. It's so extraordinary to discover one unique individual you need to irritate for whatever remains of your life.

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?

I started taking ballet lessons when I was 4, and I was performing in ballet companies when I was 10, and I did summer stock in Miami Beach when I was 12, and finally I said, 'I gotta go to Broadway.'

I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.

At the end of every year, I add up the time that I have spent on the phone on hold and subtract it from my age. I don't count that time as really living. I spend more and more time on hold each year. By the time I die, I'm going to be quite young.

Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.