Los Angeles is a very transient town. It's the only place I know where you can actually rent a dog.

I hate learning through experience. Just once I'd like to learn something because someone was nice enough to tell me in advance.

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.

I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.

The older theory was, marry an older man because they're more mature. But the new theory is men don't mature. Marry a younger one.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen

Cats are a waste of fur.