Los Angeles is a very transient town. It's the only place I know where you can actually rent a dog.

The closest I ever came to a menage-a-trois was when I dated a schizophrenic.

I jogged for three miles once. It was the worst three hours of my life.

Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.

I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups.

When I was a kid, I had two friends, and they were imaginary and they would only play with each other.

I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I'm lying.