I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups.

I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I'm lying.

Not one man in a beer commercial has a beerbelly.

I have a hold limit that I've set for myself. I hold until I start to imagine myself killing the person on the other end. Then I hang up and regroup.

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Men have better self-images than women. You know what I've never seen in a men's magazine? A makeover.