Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replay in sports. They've already forgotten what's happened.

Natural childbirth scares me. I think before you have natural childbirth you should find out how big the baby is. Three pounds -- natural childbirth. Anything over three pounds -- heroin.

A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won't get a bikini wax.

All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Eye contact is a method utilised by a single woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him. Many women find it difficult to look a man directly in the eyes, not because of shyness, but because a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.

If you buy your husband or boyfriend a video camera, for the first few weeks he has it, lock the door when you go to the bathroom. Most of my husband's early films end with a scream and a flush.