Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.

I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.

A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?

I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups.

Not one man in a beer commercial has a beerbelly.

You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.

The logic was, there weren't too many female comedians, so I thought I might as well try a field that had fewer competitors than the field I was in, which was acting, singing and dancing.