I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.

My Vegas act is how I make my money.

If it's attention you want, don't get involved with a man during play-off season.

I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I'm lying.

Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.

I'm not sure if my husband is going to be there when I actually have the baby. He said the only way he's going to be in the room when there's a delivery is if there's a pizza involved.

My mother was the worst cook ever. In school, when we traded lunches, I had to throw in an article of clothing.