Husband: a man who buys his football tickets four months in advance and waits until the day before his anniversary to buy his wife a gift.
Not one man in a beer commercial has a beerbelly.
The closest I ever came to a menage-a-trois was when I dated a schizophrenic.
I knew so little about money I used to sign my check, "Love, Rita."
I love to sleep. Do you? Isn't it great? It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious.
To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'