Men do cry, but only when assembling furniture.

Commitment is different in males and females. In females it is a desire to get married and raise a family. In males it means not picking up other women while out with one's girlfriend.

I started taking ballet lessons when I was 4, and I was performing in ballet companies when I was 10, and I did summer stock in Miami Beach when I was 12, and finally I said, 'I gotta go to Broadway.'

My Vegas act is how I make my money.

When men break up they want to remain friends. Why? Why can't they just get lost?

A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?

One of my first office jobs was cleaning the windows on brown envelopes.