Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.

My Vegas act is how I make my money.

... life is broken down into these stages: you're born and you don't know how anything works; gradually you find out how everything works; technology evolves and slowly there are a few things you can't work; at the end, you don't know how anything works.

Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replay in sports. They've already forgotten what's happened.

How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?

I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.

To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'