How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?

Never play peek-a-boo with a child on a long plane trip. There's no end to the game. Finally I grabbed him by the bib and said, "Look, it's always gonna be me!"

I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.

When you're a dancer, you start with the basics. You don't all of a sudden do a grand jete and pirouette. You start with first position, second, third.

When men break up they want to remain friends. Why? Why can't they just get lost?

When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.

The closest I ever came to a menage-a-trois was when I dated a schizophrenic.