When men break up they want to remain friends. Why? Why can't they just get lost?
Oh, my God. I've just told you how old I am. Nobody knows how old I am. I'm going to have to kill you now.
I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.
My Vegas act is how I make my money.
Men don't mature. Marry a younger one.
Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.