I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.

My parents were glad to see that my new husband looks like a 'regular guy'-no earring or anything. But really I think a man with an earring is better prepared for marriage. I mean, he's already experienced pain and bought jewelry.

I hate learning through experience. Just once I'd like to learn something because someone was nice enough to tell me in advance.

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.

Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.