I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.

I worry about Las Vegas schools. I hear in math, they only teach them to count to 21.

It takes six months to get into shape and two weeks to get out of shape. Once you know this you can stop being angry about other things in life and only be angry about this.

In high school I was voted the girl most likely to become a nun. That may not be impressive to you, but it was quite an accomplishment at the Hebrew Academy.

All men look nerdy in black socks and sandals.

If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.