My father watched football with the sound off because he lived in fear of hearing the voice of Howard Cosell.

Men don't mature. Marry a younger one.

I rationalize shop. I buy a dress because I need change for gum.

Los Angeles is a very transient town. It's the only place I know where you can actually rent a dog.

Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?

How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?

I loved my mother very much, but she was not a good cook. Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before. In our house Thanksgiving was a time for sorrow.