I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.

I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups.

Men are very confident people. Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he had to.

My father was never very friendly. When I was growing up, I thought the doorbell ringing was a signal to pretend you weren't home.

All men would still really like to own a train set.

Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before.

Men don't live well by themselves. They don't even live like people. They live like bears with furniture.