I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.

If it's attention you want, don't get involved with a man during play-off season.

It takes six months to get into shape and two weeks to get out of shape. Once you know this you can stop being angry about other things in life and only be angry about this.

I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.

When I want to end a relationship I just say, 'You know, I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have your children.' Sometimes they leave skid marks.

Husband: a man who buys his football tickets four months in advance and waits until the day before his anniversary to buy his wife a gift.

No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.