When I want to end a relationship I just say, 'You know, I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have your children.' Sometimes they leave skid marks.

Waiters and waitresses are becoming nicer and much more caring. I used to pay my check, they would say "Thank you." That's now escalated into "You care care of yourself, now." The other day I paid my check and the waiter said, "Don't put off that mammogram."

I just don't get cats. To me, they're a waste of fur.

When men break up they want to remain friends. Why? Why can't they just get lost?

If it's attention you want, don't get involved with a man during play-off season.

Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

Most of the men sitting in first class on an airplane have really boring jobs.