It takes six months to get into shape and two weeks to get out of shape. Once you know this you can stop being angry about other things in life and only be angry about this.

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.

I'm not sure if my husband is going to be there when I actually have the baby. He said the only way he's going to be in the room when there's a delivery is if there's a pizza involved.

One of my first office jobs was cleaning the windows on brown envelopes.

I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn't notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I'm letting him keep it. I'm saving money!

I never panic when I get lost. I just change where it is I want to go.