It takes six months to get into shape and two weeks to get out of shape. Once you know this you can stop being angry about other things in life and only be angry about this.

I love to sleep. Do you? Isn't it great? It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious.

You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.

Never take candy from strangers.

Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.

Commitment is different in males and females. In females it is a desire to get married and raise a family. In males it means not picking up other women while out with one's girlfriend.

I don't like when there's too much conversation because I'm shy and it makes me uncomfortable.