If it's attention you want, don't get involved with a man during play-off season.

Cats are a waste of fur.

I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.

It takes six months to get into shape and two weeks to get out of shape. Once you know this you can stop being angry about other things in life and only be angry about this.

Men do cry, but only when assembling furniture.