If it's attention you want, don't get involved with a man during play-off season.

Going out to eat is expensive. I was out at one restaurant and they didn't have prices on the menu. Just faces with different expressions of horror.

I suffer from peroxide phobia. Every time I've gotten near a blond woman, something of mine has disappeared. Jobs, boyfriends... one time an angora sweater leaped right off my body.

My mother was the worst cook ever. In school, when we traded lunches, I had to throw in an article of clothing.

I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

I love to sleep. Do you? Isn't it great? It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious.