Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.

My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.

I paid attention to not being a comedian, and just concentrated on being who I was. That is what you have to do. If you say you are a comedian that has been done before. If you just be who you are then you are unique. Everyone is unique.

I knew so little about money I used to sign my check, "Love, Rita."

Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.

I never panic when I get lost. I just change where it is I want to go.

Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.