The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.

When I want to end a relationship I just say, 'You know, I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have your children.' Sometimes they leave skid marks.

I suffer from peroxide phobia. Every time I've gotten near a blond woman, something of mine has disappeared. Jobs, boyfriends... one time an angora sweater leaped right off my body.

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

My new dress. Do you like it? It's from my favorite designer, On Sale.

My father was never very friendly. When I was growing up, I thought the doorbell ringing was a signal to pretend you weren't home.