How can I have morning sickness when I don't get up till noon?

I adore being hitched. It's so extraordinary to discover one unique individual you need to irritate for whatever remains of your life.

The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him

Women are more accommodating. If a woman drinks the last glass of apple juice in the refrigerator, she'll make more apple juice. If a man drinks the last glass of apple juice, he'll just put back the empty container.

The closest I ever came to a menage-a-trois was when I dated a schizophrenic.

If it's attention you want, don't get involved with a man during play-off season.

I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country; people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again.