I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie THE WAY WE WERE twice, voluntarily.

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.

Human nature is largely something that has to be overcome.

I never panic when I get lost. I just change where it is I want to go.

At the end of every year, I add up the time that I have spent on the phone on hold and subtract it from my age. I don't count that time as really living. I spend more and more time on hold each year. By the time I die, I'm going to be quite young.

Most women are introspective: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?" Most men are outrospective: "Did my team win? How's my car?"