Buying something on sale is a very special feeling. In fact, the less I pay for something, the more it is worth to me.

Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?

Never take candy from strangers.

Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible; in a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.

Men don't live well by themselves. They don't even live like people. They live like bears with furniture.

If you buy your husband or boyfriend a video camera, for the first few weeks he has it, lock the door when you go to the bathroom. Most of my husband's early films end with a scream and a flush.

I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.