I'm not sure if my husband is going to be there when I actually have the baby. He said the only way he's going to be in the room when there's a delivery is if there's a pizza involved.

I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.

My new dress. Do you like it? It's from my favorite designer, On Sale.

You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.

Women are more accommodating. If a woman drinks the last glass of apple juice in the refrigerator, she'll make more apple juice. If a man drinks the last glass of apple juice, he'll just put back the empty container.

Men don't mature. Marry a younger one.

Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when she's wearing a jumpsuit.