I'm not sure if my husband is going to be there when I actually have the baby. He said the only way he's going to be in the room when there's a delivery is if there's a pizza involved.

I have a hold limit that I've set for myself. I hold until I start to imagine myself killing the person on the other end. Then I hang up and regroup.

Good weather all the week, but come the weekend the weather stinks. When the weather is too hot they complain, too cold they complain, and when it's just right, they're watching TV.

My father was never very friendly. When I was growing up, I thought the doorbell ringing was a signal to pretend you weren't home.

Men have better self-images than women. You know what I've never seen in a men's magazine? A makeover.

If your husband has difficulty getting to sleep, the words 'we need to talk about our relationship' may help.

I adore being hitched. It's so extraordinary to discover one unique individual you need to irritate for whatever remains of your life.