I don't like when there's too much conversation because I'm shy and it makes me uncomfortable.

How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?

My mother was the worst cook ever. In school, when we traded lunches, I had to throw in an article of clothing.

My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.

I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.

My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.

A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.