Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.

I'm going to start water skiing someday...as soon as I can separate it from being dragged by a boat.

My parents were glad to see that my new husband looks like a 'regular guy'-no earring or anything. But really I think a man with an earring is better prepared for marriage. I mean, he's already experienced pain and bought jewelry.

Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it. If you feel the need to marry a doctor, I suggest a dermatologist. Good hours, free Retin-A.

I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.

My father watched football with the sound off because he lived in fear of hearing the voice of Howard Cosell.

If you're dating a man who you think might be "Mr. Right," if he a) got older, b) got a new job, or c) visited a psychiatrist, you are in for a nasty surprise. The cocoon-to-butterfly theory only works on cocoons and butterflies.