I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.

I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.

Men are very confident people. Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he had to.

The older theory was, marry an older man because they're more mature. But the new theory is men don't mature. Marry a younger one.

Men who write love letters don't live in this century.

I have a hold limit that I've set for myself. I hold until I start to imagine myself killing the person on the other end. Then I hang up and regroup.

I hate learning through experience. Just once I'd like to learn something because someone was nice enough to tell me in advance.