The closest I ever came to a menage-a-trois was when I dated a schizophrenic.

My new dress. Do you like it? It's from my favorite designer, On Sale.

Blondes have more fun, don't they? They must. How many brunettes do you see walking down the street with blond roots?

The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him

I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.

Men are very confident people. Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he had to.

Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.