The closest I ever came to a menage-a-trois was when I dated a schizophrenic.

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.

Eye contact is a method utilised by a single woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him. Many women find it difficult to look a man directly in the eyes, not because of shyness, but because a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.

I adore being hitched. It's so extraordinary to discover one unique individual you need to irritate for whatever remains of your life.

Men don't mature. Marry a younger one.

Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, "Are we going to have sex again?" He said, "Yes, but not with each other."

Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code... he turned himself in.