The closest I ever came to a menage-a-trois was when I dated a schizophrenic.

Never take candy from strangers.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

I worry about Las Vegas schools. I hear in math, they only teach them to count to 21.

My cousin just got married for the totally wrong reasons. She married a man for money. She wasn't real subtle about it. Instead of calling him her fiancé, she kept calling him her financee.

My parents were glad to see that my new husband looks like a 'regular guy'-no earring or anything. But really I think a man with an earring is better prepared for marriage. I mean, he's already experienced pain and bought jewelry.

You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.