The closest I ever came to a menage-a-trois was when I dated a schizophrenic.

At the end of every year, I add up the time that I have spent on the phone on hold and subtract it from my age. I don't count that time as really living. I spend more and more time on hold each year. By the time I die, I'm going to be quite young.

I want to have young children although my mother and father are even now young sufficient to just take care of them.

Individuality in dressing is not important to men. If they all look alike it means they haven't made a mistake.

Thirty, I really like you but I still have to see other people.

You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.