Women are more accommodating. If a woman drinks the last glass of apple juice in the refrigerator, she'll make more apple juice. If a man drinks the last glass of apple juice, he'll just put back the empty container.

Men who can eat anything they want and not gain weight should do it out of sight of the women they're married to.

A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?

Individuality in dressing is not important to men. If they all look alike it means they haven't made a mistake.

You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.

I can see close up and my husband can see far away, so we're covered. He tells me who's in the movie and I tell him what's in his sandwich. Together we're human bifocals.

Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?