Men don't mature. Marry a younger one.

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.

I'm not sure if my husband is going to be there when I actually have the baby. He said the only way he's going to be in the room when there's a delivery is if there's a pizza involved.

I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.

They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when they have one.

Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?