Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.

I was going with someone for a few years, but we broke up. It was one of those things. He wanted to get married, and I didn't want him to.

Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.

Men are very confident people. Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he had to.

I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.

All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.

Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.