Men accept compliments much better than women do. Example: "Mitch, you look great." Mitch: "Thanks." On the other side: "Ruth, you look great." Ruth: "I do? Must be the lighting."

Natural childbirth scares me. I think before you have natural childbirth you should find out how big the baby is. Three pounds -- natural childbirth. Anything over three pounds -- heroin.

My new dress. Do you like it? It's from my favorite designer, On Sale.

My mother was the worst cook ever. In school, when we traded lunches, I had to throw in an article of clothing.

After you've dated someone it should be legal to stamp them with what's wrong with them so the next person doesn't have to start from scratch.

I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country; people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again.

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.