Men accept compliments much better than women do. Example: "Mitch, you look great." Mitch: "Thanks." On the other side: "Ruth, you look great." Ruth: "I do? Must be the lighting."

I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I'm lying.

Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen

My new dress. Do you like it? It's from my favorite designer, On Sale.

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.