Not one man in a beer commercial has a beerbelly.

I just don't get cats. To me, they're a waste of fur.

Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, "Are we going to have sex again?" He said, "Yes, but not with each other."

I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.

I never panic when I get lost. I just change where it is I want to go.

I can see close up and my husband can see far away, so we're covered. He tells me who's in the movie and I tell him what's in his sandwich. Together we're human bifocals.

My father was never very friendly. When I was growing up, I thought the doorbell ringing was a signal to pretend you weren't home.