I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

Men don't mature. Marry a younger one.

There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better.

I hate learning through experience. Just once I'd like to learn something because someone was nice enough to tell me in advance.

I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.

Yes, I've now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones. Unfortunately, it's a lower case l.

I'm going to start water skiing someday...as soon as I can separate it from being dragged by a boat.