Men are very confident people. Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he had to.

Yes, I've now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones. Unfortunately, it's a lower case l.

I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.

Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it. If you feel the need to marry a doctor, I suggest a dermatologist. Good hours, free Retin-A.

If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.

My mother was the worst cook ever. In school, when we traded lunches, I had to throw in an article of clothing.

My cousin just got married for the totally wrong reasons. She married a man for money. She wasn't real subtle about it. Instead of calling him her fiancé, she kept calling him her financee.