Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it. If you feel the need to marry a doctor, I suggest a dermatologist. Good hours, free Retin-A.

I rationalize shop. I buy a dress because I need change for gum.

My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.

My new dress. Do you like it? It's from my favorite designer, On Sale.

I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn't notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I'm letting him keep it. I'm saving money!

Men accept compliments much better than women do. Example: "Mitch, you look great." Mitch: "Thanks." On the other side: "Ruth, you look great." Ruth: "I do? Must be the lighting."

All men look at Dr. Ruth and wonder how she has gained all that sexual experience.