I rationalize shop. I buy a dress because I need change for gum.

Never play peek-a-boo with a child on a long plane trip. There's no end to the game. Finally I grabbed him by the bib and said, "Look, it's always gonna be me!"

I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.

Wives are people who think it's against the law not to answer the phone when it rings.

The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him

I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country; people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again.

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.