How can I have morning sickness when I don't get up till noon?
I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.
Most women are introspective: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?" Most men are outrospective: "Did my team win? How's my car?"
My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.
Waiters and waitresses are becoming nicer and much more caring. I used to pay my check, they would say "Thank you." That's now escalated into "You care care of yourself, now." The other day I paid my check and the waiter said, "Don't put off that mammogram."