I rationalize shop. I buy a dress because I need change for gum.

Men who write love letters don't live in this century.

I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I'm lying.

I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn't notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I'm letting him keep it. I'm saving money!

It takes six months to get into shape and two weeks to get out of shape. Once you know this you can stop being angry about other things in life and only be angry about this.

I jogged for three miles once. It was the worst three hours of my life.

I loved my mother very much, but she was not a good cook. Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before. In our house Thanksgiving was a time for sorrow.