I rationalize shop. I buy a dress because I need change for gum.

You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.

I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.

My parents were glad to see that my new husband looks like a 'regular guy'-no earring or anything. But really I think a man with an earring is better prepared for marriage. I mean, he's already experienced pain and bought jewelry.

Men are very confident people. Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he had to.

Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.

After you've dated someone it should be legal to stamp them with what's wrong with them so the next person doesn't have to start from scratch.